This week I’ve done something very different (for me at least) for Friday Fictioneers: A poem!
Maybe it’s because I’ve been gone for a couple weeks and I wanted my glorious return to be different, or maybe it’s just because I started writing and noticed a lot of rhythm in the words and decided to go all in (who can really say?), but whatever the reason, this is where I ended up.
As always, constructive criticism is welcome (be gentle! Poetry isn’t my thing), and head on over to Madison Woods’ website for past weeks, sweet writings and authorial goodness.
Who Lives There?
Deep in the Kip is a stony mill,
and close by the mill is a stream,
dark and small and easy to miss in the shade of the close-spaced trees.
Except when the wheel is turning,
when the smell is sour and strong,
as blood flows down from the mountaintop and pushes the wheel along.
Purple, clotted, cold and thick,
over the rocks it crawls
pulsing from caves and squeezing through cracks, then down over gory falls.
The blood turns the wheel, though slowly at first,
and deeply the axle groans,
‘til the mill in the Kip is widely awake, and redly the windows glow.
***
Click on the blue guy to read the others, then add your own or comment with the link to your story below.
pinionpost 
I love this poem! Evocative and macabre. Great descriptive imagery.
http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/soul-reacher-copyright-2012-ilyan-kei-lavanway/
Much appreciated! Thanks for reading
Great poem great rhythm. Smooth and enjoyable to (if blood is enjoyable)to read. I kept feeling the presence of Edgar Allen Poe in the poem – which I liked. Nice job. A lot of work – and good work. Randy
PS One question though – what is the Kip? The Merriam-Webster defines it as a money table.Which would not seem fitting.Is it your name for the local area/valley that the cottage/mill is set in?
The Kip is just the name I chose for the woods (in the UK, kipping is napping, so I guess the nightmarish feel inspired me to name it that). Thanks for the comments!
I agree with the other commenters-this was a really good poem. I think it works because the images are just so *weird*. I could see this veering into hackneyed Poe-imitation, but it really doesn’t because it’s just so…*weird!*
Good job. Keep it coming!
Hah, well thanks! I’m ok with weird. Glad you liked it
Sometimes I write things that seem not to be either poetry or prose, like a weird in-between. I wonder if you could try something like that if you don’t feel like doing full-fledged poetry.
But I do think you’re a great poet! This one flows well; it doesn’t sound forced like many rhyming poems do. It’s more natural. And the macabre images are quite vivid, even darkly beautiful.
Thanks and thanks again – yeah, I tried not to hit the rhymes too hard, and let phrases run through line breaks to soften them a bit. I agree though, something prose with a poetry feel is just the thing. Thanks for reading!
well done, it worked, it both held my interest and pleased me. A good effort I would say.
Gracias muy mucho. I haven’t gotten around to reading yet, but I will before the weekend is out, I promise
Now this, this is amazing! Powerful and dramatic, every word perfect. Loved reading it out loud over and over. More please!
Thanks, Lynn – a nice thing to say! I’m glad you liked it so much
Poetry isn’t my thing either, but this one tripped easily off the tongue, and it put a wonderfully gory image in my mind – so job well done, I would say.
Gory’s what I was going for haha. Thanks!
I shudder to think where the blood comes from. Well executed poem…in the most literal sense.
I’m at #23 this week.
And what’s going on in that mill, right? Thanks
It did flow really well…as well as the blood that flowed in that stream. I’m definitely not going anywhere near this spot. And it looked so lovely in the picture! 🙂 A gory-ous return, indeed!
sustainabilitea – I love your way with words. It’s really gore-geous what you do with them
I’d say you’re too punny, but it’s too obvious, so I won’t. Whoops, I guess I red-y did. :-p
it’s a punny business, this writing business is….
Ha, excellent, excellent.
Nicely done and the words flowed well and of course I like this kind of imagery.
I am number 55 this week.
Thanks Yaral! I’m going to have to get around to reading everyone’s tomorrow, but I’m looking forward to it
Poetry isn’t my thing either, Brian, so for once I will withhold the red pen. This is really striking and evocative – I don’t know what the Kip is, but that didn’t matter, I could totally imagine the place you were describing and I definitely didn’t want to be there. I don’t like poems as a rule, but you (and some of the other fictioneers) are beginning to change my mind!
Well I won’t dedicate myself to writing many more I’m sure, but I’m glad this one seemed to work pretty well. I think it helped that it was almost like a grim children’s rhyme, and not so much a serious story. Thanks for your comments, as always!
I love the way the words flow, but eek!
I’ll take that reaction as a compliment! Haha, thanks
Damn, the puns have been done already!
Really liked this Brian, it all came together so well, the imagery and the flow (I really know nothing about meter, etc, etc, but I think it’s good if it doesn’t feel stunted or awkward to recite in your own head and this didn’t feel awkward at all). “Purple, clotted, cold and thick…” is a great line. Actually, that whole verse is very vivid. I love the blood crawling over the rocks.
Ok, I’ll stop gushing over this bloody tale now 🙂
You found one more pun! I’m glad they weren’t done. thanks for the nice commentary!
[…] A Selection: Toys That Fly // The Egyptian Miracle Man // The Mill in the Kip […]
[…] Then, on our drive down to San Francisco, we stopped in the Muir Woods. It’s like a fairy tale in here, and I kept thinking of something I wrote for the Friday Fictioneers as we were walking about – The Mill in the Kip. […]
Well, I don’t know how I missed this one. I sure did. What the hell was I doing in Sept. I wonder? Anyway… belated “Good One”… the blood feeding and waking the beast… the mill itself.
BTW… what’s with all the ‘Glorious Returns’?
Ha, I think I just tend to take a lot of leaves of absence, when other things take over and the blog sort of drifts to the back of my mind.
[…] Favorite Posts: The Regenerating Man // The Albino Black Cowboy // Ky’Awe // The Mill in the Kip // Pietro […]