In Fiction on May 6, 2013 at 2:34 pm



I watched my brother’s face as the cocktail of drugs took effect. His eyelids fluttered and his eyes rolled, and beads of sweat began to appear on his waxy skin. I made sure the contacts were secure against his scalp.

“Turn it on,” I said. Meher’s hand went to the switch, but he hesitated.

“You would do this to your own brother? Your own blood?”

“Of course,” I snapped, “as I have with thousands of patients before. I would not make myself a hypocrite. Besides, it’s perfectly safe—and if there’s any chance of finding out what happened to him, I must try.”

I composed myself in the silence that followed, and repeated calmly:

“Turn it on.”

Meher complied; the machine snapped to life and the faint crackle of current filled the room.

Paul’s response was subtle at first, but unmistakable. His mouth slowly opened and closed, as if he were trying to speak, and his eyes began to shift erratically—until finally they landed on me and were locked, with frightening intensity, on my own.

A low moan came from deep within his throat and slowly swelled like a chant.

“Is he speaking?” Meher asked. I leaned over my brother and his eyes tracked me as I approached.

“What is it, brother?” I asked. “How have you come to this place? When we were boys…”

But suddenly there was a pop and the room went silent. The machine failed, and my brother’s moans ceased.

“What did you do?” I asked, rising. “Did you switch it off?”

Meher had no time to respond, for down the hallway, echoed and faint, footsteps were sounding. I stepped to Meher and took him roughly by the collar.

“Who did you tell?” I whispered. “Who knew I was coming here today?”

“No one!” Meher gasped. “I swear it!”

I grabbed my satchel, pulled the contacts from my brother’s skin and grabbed the machine from the table.

“Get him up,” I said flatly. “We have to leave now.”

(Photo by Autowitch)

This story is for the Trifecta Writing Challenge. This week’s word was: Blood. It’s a continuation of my story from the last few weeks, so head back to the beginning to catch up and let me know what you think!

The series: The Treatment // A Prison of the Mind // Echoes

  1. Wow. love the suspense.

  2. […] The series: The Treatment // A Prison of the Mind // Echoes […]

  3. Now I’m caught, can’t wait for next week

  4. Darn these word limits! This is a chilling story- I was on the edge of my seat. Please, please continue this!

  5. Very well-constructed storyline. Lots of elements that add to the drama of your scene; family, death, being discovered, secrecy and so on. An excellent chapter to a very interesting story.

  6. […] The series: The Treatment // A Prison of the Mind // Echoes […]

  7. Seriously, that was not nearly enough…

  8. Nice continuation and you write suspense so very well!

  9. This is getting so freaking good x3

  10. Was he followed? Betrayed? You’re building quite a lot of suspense and a fascinating story with each new piece.

    Thanks for linking up!

  11. I am looking forward to the next piece LM x

  12. It becomes more riveting with each installment. In novel form I couldn’t put it down. The setting is especially intriguing. I’m loving it.

  13. Very exciting!

  14. Obviously someone knew…

    I love the suspense of this tale too!

  15. I had to go back and read more to get caught up …. this is really good Brian.

  16. Oh the tension. Love the protagonist. More please.

  17. Very well played-written, I definitely want more 🙂

  18. This is full of tension. I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for the next one.

  19. You do such a nice job building suspense (or tension?) as the story progresses.

  20. Need more! What a great cliffhanger. This story is so intense and so interesting. Can’t wait for the next installment!

  21. OMG!What happened?This suspense is killing me!

  22. […] Treatment // A Prison of the Mind // Echoes // Out for […]

  23. […] Treatment // A Prison of the Mind // Echoes // Out for Blood // Lonely […]

  24. […] Treatment // A Prison of the Mind // Echoes // Out for Blood // Lonely Travelers // From the […]

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