Jonathan Livingston Warrior Seagull

In Fiction on October 2, 2013 at 3:59 pm


Jonathan Livingston Warrior Seagull

This is an open letter to the scum of the earth, those vile criminals who would prey on the weak and innocent: Your time is up. I am Jonathan Livingston, Warrior Seagull, and I’m serving up cold, hard, beaky justice.

I eat trash like you for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. I am a master of disguise and fluent in 43 languages, including Emu, Flamingo, and Swedish. The wind is my only friend.

I know no fear and I feel no pity. Actually, I don’t understand any abstract concepts.

I am a bird. Watch your back… and shoulders… and head.

This story is my response to the week’s Friday Fictioneers prompt, which is the photo up yonder. I know it’s silly, especially compared to yesterday’s story, but I felt it was time I lived up to the promise I set out on my about page. The bird-related promise, anyway.

So now my stories have featured crows, grackles, pigeons, swans and seagulls. As you can tell, I’m quite proud.

  1. 🙂 There’s nothing wrong with silly.


  2. Isn’t it lucky to get shat on by a bird? He can fly my way if he wants

  3. ‘cold hard beaky justice’. Wonderful. We could do with more of that. Nicely done.

  4. Dear Brian,

    Very clever. Well crafted from beginning to end. You painted such a vivid picture, I’m covering my head. 😉



  5. Dear Brian,

    Your entire story was well conceived and executed. I particularly liked the ‘abstract thought’ disclaimer. And you last lines were perfect. Very well done.



  6. I’ve been so surprised that no one else has gone the Jonathan Livingston Seagull route! I immediately thought of it, but wasn’t sure how to take it. You’ve done a really great job here. Nice!

  7. I loved this. I loved this so much, you have no idea. Well let me give you some ideas. The “beaky justice” for one. The eating “trash like you for breakfast, lunch and dinner.” For including Swedish in your Bird language groups. And also, I have to add, I personally love and respect seagulls. I am not kidding. I think they are brilliant. I see them here in my town, they walk around at night like they own it. They have a nursery in the river, where they bathe all the time (seagulls are very clean), but where their young swim, while the guardian seagulls keep watch from the rooftops near by. They are amazing. But watch your head, hair and shoulders. They often criticise peoples attire.

  8. I know no fear and I feel no pity. Actually, I don’t understand any abstract concepts.

    This whole piece is fantastic, but I love this bit in particular! Great work, and you’ve left me with a bad case of the giggles. 🙂

  9. “Watch your back… and shoulders… and head.” Perhaps the most awesome superhero yet! Nice job.

  10. Ha ha! Now I want to go out and buy Flamingo Rosetta Stone!

  11. Rolling with this one! So funny.

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