Jonathan Livingston Warrior Seagull

This is an open letter to the scum of the earth, those vile criminals who would prey on the weak and innocent: Your time is up. I am Jonathan Livingston, Warrior Seagull, and I’m serving up cold, hard, beaky justice.

I eat trash like you for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. I am a master of disguise and fluent in 43 languages, including Emu, Flamingo, and Swedish. The wind is my only friend.

I know no fear and I feel no pity. Actually, I don’t understand any abstract concepts.

I am a bird. Watch your back… and shoulders… and head. Read the rest of this entry »